Saturday, April 12, 2008

Needs Your Help: Should I Relocate For Him?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now. Everything is great with us and he is the first guy that I can definitely see myself spending my life with. The only problem is that he lives 40 minutes away from me (south) and I work 20 minutes north of where I live now. He's recently started to move forward with plans to build his dream house, just a few blocks from his current home, on family land. He's asked me to move in with him and while that sounds amazing, I'd have to drive an hour to work and another hour home (without factoring in traffic and/or potential accidents). He said he understands my point and knows a relationship is about compromise, but he isn't willing to build elsewhere.

I am a teacher and often have to stay late for various things during the school year, and at times, come in to catch up on the weekends, so living an hour away from work seems like a major headache. I even thought of finding a school closer to him, but I would have to take a $10,000 - $15,000 pay cut due to different state laws. Another con on my list is that my family and friends live an hour or more away from him. I brought this up and he said, "It's not like you will never see them. It's only an hour drive." I'm just so used to living in the city where everything is close and he has a more "country" mindset.

I love this man and want to spend my life with him, but I don't know what to do! I don't see myself living that far from work, family, and friends but I also don't see myself with anyone other than my boyfriend. Help!

Street Kings: Police Officers Gone Wild

Street Kings is primarily focused on examining two types of police officers seen in many a film before: the rogue cop who disregards the law in the name of justice and the cop that appears to follow the rules but is deeply corrupt. You would think that in the hands of a talented guy like director David Ayer, who is well-versed in the handling of this kind of gritty material (having written Training Day and directed Harsh Times) this movie would be not only entertaining but also darkly unnerving.

So, was it entertaining? I think for some people the answer is definitely "yes" — the violence is raw and in your face, the story is intriguing, and the smorgasbord of famous male actors makes for a fun ride. Did it make me feel anything? Nope. And that's actually a shame because there was so much there to work with, but instead I left with the sense that everyone involved decided to sit back, tap into their inner nihilist, and get down to killing.

Reeves plays Detective Tom Ludlow, a man who's having a hard time and numbs whatever pain haunts him with a lot of alcohol. He also has zero regard for the "law" part of "law enforcement," and seems to break all the rules those lawyers on Law & Order are always concerned with, lest their cases get thrown out on a technicality. He doesn't necessarily take pleasure in blowing people's brains out once he's determined they're wrong, but he definitely doesn't show restraint either. In other words, the man's a live wire. And this is the guy who ends up being the moral center of a universe full of some very corrupt people.

Those people include, well, just about everyone in the film. Once Ludlow begins to yank at a string he's been repeatedly warned against yanking by his boss, the ambitious Captain Jack Wander (Forest Whitaker), it becomes clear that an entire division of L.A.'s finest are dirty. Thus, Ludlow starts heading down a trail into some of L.A.'s harshest neighborhoods and the dens of some extremely bloodthirsty villains.

The movie relentlessly strives for realism with each violent act, and bookends each one with the kind of machismo dialogue you can't help but roll your eyes at. Similarly, anytime a character waxes poetic about the nature of good and evil or the seductive influence of power and greed, it's delivered in such oversimplified prose that you might find yourself screaming "No duh!" at the screen. The best parts about the movie are the unexpected and talented performances that pop up, like Hugh Laurie as a salty captain, Cedric the Entertainer who's totally convincing as a thug, and Common who, with the delivery of no more than three lines, perfectly embodies pure evil.

If you don't require a little nuance with your bloodbaths, you might have fun. Otherwise it's a frustratingly dumbed-down experience.

Pregnant Alba's All Smiles About Her Baby Girl



This whole pregnancy thing is working wonders for Jessica Alba. We're getting more smiles out of her now than ever. This weekend she had a baby shower at the Ever After Teahouse in LA with friends and family including Rashida Jones, Jaime King and Kim Kardashian. E! Online reports the details about the lavender and white colors and turquoise goodie bags for the 35 guests. They also said Alba received tons of gifts and announced to the crowd she was expecting a baby girl this June. They may even have her name all picked out. While you all might not be excited about their upcoming wedding, we have to admit we're looking forward to seeing this beautiful baby who has made this mommy-to-be one happy woman.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

年初二回娘家

新年期間,有幾位友人,包括《星洲廣場》主編黃俊麟也問我同樣一個問題,就是為什麼嫁出去的女兒必須在年初二回娘家,不是其他日期呢?

相信大家都與我一樣,知其然而不知所以然!面對這種問題,只有尋求文獻方面的協助了。

林明義主編《台灣冠婚葬祭家禮全書》云︰“正初二到正月末日為‘做客’的時間,一般到十五日止。做客即回娘家,也就是各家的媳婦回到自己的娘家,或由娘家的父母兄弟來迎接。有句俗話云︰‘有父有母初二三,無父無母頭擔擔’,意思就是如果媳婦的父母還健在,就可迎接女兒回去,若已雙亡,就無法回娘家,只得留在夫家幫忙……”

《漳州民俗風情》︰“(正月)初二也要早起……這一天漳州俗稱‘女婿日’,是日新老女婿攜同妻 室子女帶熟豬腳和年糕等‘伴手’(禮品,又稱‘帶手’)向岳父母拜年,岳父母宴請。宴後夫妻應在當晚炊煙升起前回家,不得留宿岳家,若因故不得不留宿岳 家,夫婦不得同房,如外家翁婆過往,此俗便改。”

婁子匡編著《新年風俗志》里記載一些中國各地女兒女婿于新年回娘家的風俗︰江蘇淮安“初二這 天,凡是母家必請女兒(尤其是嫁後第一個新年)和孩子們過一天……”;福建廈門“初六又是岳家請女婿的日期,大家又叫‘女婿日’”;福建南部“(初二)婦 女們歸寧賀新正,並須帶紅包及糖餅散給一般小孩子;不然,親戚兄弟都會反起目來,那就不吉利了”;河南開封“(年初二)年輕的夫婦,同(騾車,北方有出賃的)先往岳家拜年,然後再拜訪別的親友”;廣東翁源“年初四女人們爭先恐後的了簇新的衣服,挑簍……到婆家去。雖然遲早也有,大抵總以這天為,就是下雨也要去的。意思不外是因為初二離年太新,初三是窮鬼日,不去,惟有初四最適宜”;貴州貴陽“‘新女婿’在元旦,應當趕早去‘丈人’的家里拜年,受到盛饌的優待”。

《閩台民俗風情》里有篇鄭惠聰撰的〈初二請女婿〉云︰“……初一主要是以家庭為單位在附近親友中進行拜年,而第二天則可以出門甚至出遠門尋親訪友。漳州城內的人家均在家等待鄉村親友來訪或女兒女婿……新婚的女兒女婿,第二年的新年初二,不管怎麼忙也要回娘家拜年……”

綜合上述資料發現,選定年初二回娘家的,計有福建漳州、南部(閩南)、台灣、江蘇淮安、河南開封。選在年初一的,只有貴州貴陽。選擇年初四的,有廣東翁源。至于年初六,福建廈門是請女婿之日。其中以年初二最多。

換句話說,已婚女性于年初一一定要在夫家過年,那是男家家庭團聚日子,也是給男家親戚拜年的日子。從年初二開始到十五的任何一天,女兒女婿得給女家父母親戚拜年了,多數地方風俗選在年初二,其實不一定要在這天,除了年初一外的初二到十五,任何日子都行,不過多以年初二為主。

(小啟:李永球新書《字言字語》將于3月2日下午2時至6時,在太平豆水餐室舉行街頭書會,歡迎出席參與。)

福建人是“狼”?

新年期間,關于天公誕的傳又在報章掀起熱潮,《南洋商報.新視野》有篇翁銘沁君寫的〈祝天公︰生日樂〉就收集一則傳說︰古代黃巢軍南侵福建,遇到福建人因為服飾和語言不同而起誤會,他們聽到福建人自稱是“狼”(福建音)而大開殺戒,福建人紛紛逃到甘蔗園避難,直到年初九才弄清楚是一場誤會而停止殺戮,這時候福建人才從甘蔗園回家,因此取了一對甘蔗回去拜天公感恩……。

其實這則傳說在數十年前就在我國流傳,編造這個傳說的是非福建籍的人士,目的是譏笑福建人不是人,而是禽獸。

我的調查是這樣的,傳說北方軍入侵福建,遇到福建(閩南)人就問︰“你是什麼人?”福建人回答 ︰“我是福建郎”。閩南語的“郎”是人的意思,但郎諧音北方漢語的“狼”,北方軍人就誤會地喧嚷︰“原來他們都是狼,把他們全部給殺光”,福建人因此躲入 甘蔗園避難,直到年初九事情平靜後才出來,他們認為是天公顯靈救了他們,于是采取甘蔗回家拜天公。

只要腳趾頭想一想就會明白,這個傳說根本是虛構的,且帶有嘲笑成分。當用耳朵聽到一個人說他自己是狼時,難道不會用眼睛看個清楚嗎?難道那些北方軍人只會相信耳朵聽到的,不相信眼睛看到的東西嗎?他們真的笨到人跟禽獸也分不清楚嗎?

事實上,正初九是道教的玉皇大帝聖誕之日,道教的《上 玉皇本行集經》、《繪圖三教源流搜神大全》等書中均有記載︰古代有光嚴妙樂國,國王淨德時王無嗣,王后寶月光王夢見太上道君抱一嬰兒與之,覺而有孕,于丙 午歲正月九日午時誕生,王子後來舍國入山修道,又經億劫,始證玉帝。這段資料說明玉皇的誕辰在正月初九,所以福建人在年初九是慶祝玉皇誕。

婁子匡編著《新年風俗志》收集了中國處 慶祝玉皇誕的情景:江蘇蘇州“正月初九日是玉皇的誕辰,玄妙觀道士設道場在三清殿,名曰‘齋天’……”;江蘇無錫“初九初十是天生日、地生日,都要放炮 仗、點香燭、念佛敬天……”;浙江湖州“初九是玉皇生日,人家要燒香”;福建漳州“初九日是‘天公生’(就是天公的誕辰)所以在初八日晚上,12點鐘過 後,就要放炮竹,祀品用水果、豬頭、糕餅等食物……”;福建南部“……到了天公生辰的一日,大殺牲口,排列九牲五果六齋……且又演戲和請道士和尚念經,十 分熱鬧。各家家長都手捧面線去祝禱玉皇長壽萬年,並保佑他們一家清泰發財了”……

上述資料證明年初九天公誕在中國多處都有慶祝,並非僅是福建人的節日。而且福建地區熱鬧慶祝情景與傳說福建人被大屠殺不符,如果是紀念北方入侵軍的大屠殺,那麼鄉里親人傷亡了,怎麼還可以慶祝天公誕呢?那不合傳統的“禮”啊!

節日里會有許多附會的傳說,可是傳說畢竟是傳說,不可當作節日的由來啊!

圖:在福建人的祭祀裡,除了天公誕采用甘蔗,六月初七的“天門開”及神廟祭祀也用到甘蔗,那是取其從頭甜到尾、節節高升的彩頭,並不是源自福建人避難甘蔗園的傳說。

古時候的月經布

女人和男人象征陰陽,生理構造自然不同,最明顯就是每個月女人都得面對月經之苦。

對女人來說,每個月的來潮是很不方便的事。有的會經痛幾天,有的會昏暈一天,有的身體虛弱,有的如平常般,有的情緒不穩,有的脾氣暴躁,有的量多時間長,有的量少時間短,有的經血呈褐色或黑色……

現在市面上售賣女性經期使用的衛生棉款式多樣,令現代女人方便很多,無論是上班外出或工作旅遊等都沒問題,無須為了來潮而煩惱。可是古時候呢?

為了了解以前的人是怎樣處理月經,田野調查是免不了的。原來以前的婦女是自己縫制一套“月經 布”(福建話通稱為“骯髒布”或“柵布”)。那是一條長方形的布帶,上面縫兩條細帶,供放紙張用;前後兩端也是兩條細帶,一端呈半圓形,另一端是活的,供 打結用。只要在腰間系上一條長細帶,將月經布綁上去就行了。至于紙張則用“玉扣紙”,此類紙張厚,吸水性強,雜貨店均可買到。洗滌月經布必須另外處理,一 般是浸在小牛奶罐里半天才洗,不然會有腥臭味。

使用這種“月經布”,處理不好的話,月經會外泄,弄髒了衣褲。所以以前婦女來潮,多數不方便外 出。後來有人采用腳車的內胎橡膠片來做成月經布,雖然有以布料縫邊,不過還是會與大腿肌肉摩擦而令人感到不舒服。後來,“玲瓏鼓”小販(挑擔子賣洋貨的小 販)有出售一種由本地婦女制造的月經布,那是采用一種質軟的橡膠片裁制而成,穿起來就舒服多了。

溫女士(76歲)在少女時代,不敢向男性的玲瓏鼓小販買,必須通過母親。某次一位男人見到此 物,一時好奇而問小販,因為有女性在場,小販也不好意思說出,故意騙說是男人做領帶用的,溫氏等少女感到害羞,馬上避開回家去,都對那位男人十分反感,認 為是“查某型”(娘娘腔)。由此可見當時風氣保守。

現在市面上售賣的衛生棉,外面一層是塑料薄片包裹,而且有些還是粘貼型的,十分方便,大家已經放棄使用古時候的月經布。當我將這些月經布取給現代女性觀看時,她們多數不知何物,唯有一位近40歲的女性知道而已,原來她以前住在鄉下,曾經使用過這種傳統的月經布。

目前還有一家商家制造類似的綁腰帶型衛生棉,專供婦女生產後流出大量血水用。一般上婦女生產後 不穿內褲,這種綁腰帶衛生棉就很適合。可是華族習慣穿內褲,所以華人少用,不過華婦會使用一種加長的衛生棉,以避免量多的血水外泄。至于玉扣紙,現在的質 量較硬,有些醫院在婦女生產時還用來墊底。

從月經布變革到衛生棉,象征女性從束縛邁向自由,不再為月經而煩惱。畢竟一塊衛生棉帶給女性的方便、舒服、干爽,簡直就是帶給她們自由、解放、幸福!

清明節燒明器

清明節是古代傳統節日之一。它與寒食節只隔一兩天,後來兩個節日逐漸融合為同一個節日。至唐宋時期,進一步形成插柳、植樹、掃墓、踏青等風俗。(《中國風俗辭典》)流傳到我國的清明節,是傳統華人宗教信仰者的重大節日,人們在清明節前後10天裡掃墓和祭祖。

清明節掃墓祭祖,得準備豬雞鴨等牲品,還有水果酒茶、糕餅香燭、紙錢等。除了在家中祭拜祖先神 位外,也得上先人墳墓(火化者拜骨灰龕)祭掃一番。掃墓前須先“培墓”,就是把墳墓上的泥土堆高,清理修飾整齊美觀。墳墓宛如房屋,年年都得收拾整理,不 可任其破損荒蕪。並在墳墓上獻紙錢,諸如黃錢、白錢或五色墓紙。獻紙也稱掛紙、壓紙,最後是焚燒紙錢爆竹(我國法律禁止燃放爆竹,故放爆竹者十分之少)。

宋代高翥《清明》詩云︰“南北山頭多墓田,清明祭掃各紛然。紙灰飛做白蝴蝶,淚血染成紅杜鵑。”這首詩說明清明節祭祀是有燒紙錢的。

清明節的祭祀除了牲醴糕果外,紙錢也是必須有的祭品。古時候的燒紙錢,在演變中有些地方加上燒“紙衣”。

近年來,我國商家在清明節推出琳瑯滿目的紙糊明器(明器),諸如電視機、電腦、電風扇、汽車、手機、搖錢樹、胭脂美容品等,可謂應有盡有。然而,這些明器卻引起某些非傳統華人信仰者的大肆抨擊,認為全是迷信庸俗之舉。

說穿了,這些都是商家創造出來的商品,就好像情人節、父親和母親節等,商家也推出許多應節商品 一樣,要不要購買悉聽君便。所以,對于這些明器,我認為只是應節商品,因為這是個樣樣講求賺錢的商業社會。就如在情人、父親或母親節的時候,有些人會購買 商家推出的商品,有些人則完全不跟。

我家清明節掃墓時,還是很傳統的只是準備了金銀兩種紙錢。對于那些500萬、5千萬等等的冥鈔,還有紙衣等明器,我們都沒有買。因為我認為燒了紙錢給祖先,他們有了錢會自己去買,選擇他們喜歡的衣服和用品。

琳瑯滿目的現代明器,只是被商家創造出來的商品,你可以不購買,也可以買來焚燒給先人。但是,不燒者請尊重有燒明器的人家,這好像情人、父親和母親節一樣,你可以不屑購買那些應節商品,但得尊重那些有購買的人。

大覺悟者佛陀倘若尚活,我會向他請教︰“世尊,請問世間各種民俗是否有貴賤高低之分?”我相信 強調“眾生平等”的釋迦牟尼會回答︰“民俗平等”。全世界的民俗都是平等的,不會有我的高尚優秀智慧,你的低級庸俗迷信之分。所以燒紙錢明器與各宗教的儀 式都是一樣平等的,你認為它是庸俗迷信,那是因為自己很執及有分別心!

孕婦“動到土”

人生儀禮,從誕生、成年、婚姻到死亡,都有一套民俗儀式。單單誕生民俗就包括求子、安胎、懷孕、生產、滿月、周歲等。今天要分享的,是孕婦懷孕期間“動到土”的習俗。

婦女妊娠期間,稍微一個不小心動到胎氣(福建話叫做“動到土”),孕婦會有腹肚疼痛或陰道出血 之症狀,嚴重的話會導致流產。流產若在初期幾個月內,嬰兒當然活不了,倘若七八個月以上,存活率較高。不過民間又有“七成八敗”之說,認為7個月早產會存 活,反而8個月的會夭折。其實現在醫學發達,嬰兒死亡率已降低。對于流產的說法,西醫多數認為胎兒本身已經不健康,所以自然淘汰之故。

另外,有一種孕婦每個月都會“來紅”,即每個月如經期般按期出血,這種情況民間福建話稱為“孩兒洗面”。

動到土分兩類:一是孕婦動到土,則會有嗜睡或輾轉難眠之現象,而且常生病;設使是胎兒動到土就會導致流產。而動到土的因素是移動家裡的家具,所以妊娠期禁忌搬動家具或搬家。至于家裡有孕婦又胡亂釘敲錘打,民間說法,認為除了會因此動到土外,也會致使生下殘障的孩子。

在《通書》裡有〈逐日胎神佔處〉,那是紀錄“胎神”每日所在的地方,胎神所在之處,禁忌觸動到 那個地方,不然就會動到土了。一般胎神佔處,多數在門、爐、碓(舂米用具)、磨、廚房、灶頭、倉庫、床、房、廁所等。其實胎神之說,主要是勸告孕婦要小心 行動,避免出力搬動重物或勞作,最好是靜下身心養胎。

民間對動到土的作法,以為必須馬上做“遣損”(kiansng,福建話,即行使巫術禳解,以消 除災殃),一般采用“壓土”來禳解,即以一把小刀擱在一碗清水之上,下墊以一小疊金紙,如此擺在家中神案上3天不可觸碰之。3天後再取到屋外舉行“謝土” 儀式,將水倒在地上,並以香燭祭拜一番,最後是化掉金紙。

除了孕婦及胎兒有動到土的可能外,嬰兒出世後40天以內,也有此可能。當嬰兒呼吸時需要很大口 氣,嘴唇及周圍出現青色狀況,就是動到土了,不趕快做“遣損”的話,會傷及嬰兒,嚴重者會死亡。所以必須按照上述“遣損”的作法,方可平安無事。假設是出 世後滿月前患上,那碗“刀水”可以擺放到滿月為止。

除了這個方法,民間有些人遇上動到土的情況,會向道教的符咒師父求助,畫幾張“安胎靈符”安住胎氣,以求母子平安。早期南來的一些佛教出家人也懂得施符法,如太平鳳山寺的已故妙榮法師,就精通“安胎符”救世。

孕婦動到土,應當尋求醫藥的治療才對,以上民間的處理方法畢竟缺乏科學根據,把它們寫出來僅供參考,因為這些方法對于安撫人心會起到一定作用!